I will be posting a link to my first performance in... viola performance class. It was intimidating seeing as I was playing in front of all of the violists in the school. It is scary when you are playing for people that specialize in your instrument. The point of the class is to perform pieces that you don't have ready yet so that everyone can give you constructive criticism. I didn't feel like I played very well but, I did it and it will only improve! I played the first movement of the JC Bach viola concerto. I had played the last movement for districts and state this year but, had never performed the other movements. My teacher Leslie (whom you can hear talking if you go to the link), wants me to perform the whole piece before moving on....

The clip is on youtube but, last I checked they were still processing it. You could type in Http://www.youtube.com/WhitneyNicoleWolfe that should take you right to my video as soon as they process it.

Maximum Glory

I'm not sure if I already wrote about this but, just in case I didn't, hear goes... Laserith. When he was dying Mary had sent word to Jesus to come. She know what he and Jesus were close. She wanted him to come right away and heal him so he didn't die. When Jesus did come she said "You are late."

There are two things that stand out to me about this. The first is that it makes me laugh. I mean He invented time, He can never be late. The other thing that stood out is the time that He did come. He didn't come when Laserith was just sick, He came when he had already died. I love this. He came in God's perfect timing. He wanted God to get the maximum glory out of the situation. I'm sure that He would have loved to come earlier. If He did, He would have just healed another sick man. But He waited. He waited until God said go. Once he was there He brought an already decaying man back to life. My goodness, that is power full! That is bringing glory to God.

So many times in our lives we are waiting. Waiting for an answer or guidance. We grow inpatient and think that God doesn't hear us. But He so does hear us. He knows out heart. Some times when were praying for something. Were asking him to give us a stone when we think were asking for bread.

So unanswered prayer is one of two things. Either were asking for something that will actually harm us, so He won't give it to us. Or He is waiting to answer our prayer until He can be truly glorified!

Supernatural Realm

In America as a Christan you always hear of miracles happening in other country's. So many American Christans really want the miracles to be happening hear. So what is the problem. If were praying for them and believing for them why do we not see them.

In other country's everyone faces the supernatural realm everyday. If some one succeeds its because he is blessed by angles or demons. If some one is hurt it is because a demonic spirit is operating in them. When someone that has an injury and they hear of God. They say I believe in that! At that point they truly believe with all that they have in them that God is real, that He is ever present and that He is way bigger then the demonic spirit operating in them. Because of there faith God can just come in a heal them.

In America we live in our comfy homes. We live nice little lives. We don't have to see the spiritual realm everyday. Even though we might pray and believe for a miracle we don't operate or believe with complete faith.

Mark 1:15 "... The Kingdom is near. Turn from your sins and believe in the good news." To turn from your sins you have to repent. So many of us operate in a superficial and often times shallow repentance. We say oh ya sorry about that but our whole mind set needs to change. Repentance is sincere, it means completely changing your thinking. This is the first thing the Lord says when he starts ministering. He says CHANGE YOUR MINDSET. 

In America it is almost mocked to believe in something supernatural. It is mocked because were comfortable already. We don't rely on the supernatural. So what do we need to do... we need to change the way that we think about the supernatural.

In our prayer we need to believe with all that we are, with our WHOLE mind and heart that what we say will happen. When we pray for something it will happen in Gods perfect timing. If were praying for a miracle, It will happen in America just like it does in Africa. We just have to truly believe and operate in complete faith.

Gods Work

If you have been reading some of my recent posts you know that I have been in a hard place. God has been teaching me so many things. I am not necessarily doing good or doing bad, rather I am just being challenged and pushed in every aspect of my live. 

I have been learning: passion, power, peace and patients. Some of these lessons began because of foolish choices that I made in which, I ignored the gift of wisdom God has given to me. What I mean by that is, I would be giving incite or see something in my spirit about a situation and would completely ignore it. I have had to deal with my self in this area but God has been working in me in so many other ways.

Patients I am learning in every part of my live. I am learning to sit back, watch, observe and operate in the gift of wisdom God has placed in my live. Passion and Power I have been learning in the spiritually sense of my live. At my old church, mearly because of its size, I always felt muted in operating in the gifts of the Holy spirit. God has been giving me my fiery passion back for all that he has in store for me, at that he speaks in his word and in walking it out in my live. Its not like I haven't been living it or walking it out. Its just that I haven't felt so passionately on fire for the Lord in a while. Because the Lord had ignited by heart again I am learning how to use the gifts he has given me in power. It has been a little scary but, the more I push myself out of my comfort zone and let Him operate through me. The more I fall deeper in love with Him in a totally knew way.

Even though this season of being uncomfortable and of learning has been very challenging. God is daily speaking peace into my life. I am learning how to truly take everything one step at a time. Its like I am looking through a veil at the masterpiece painting He has made of my life. I can see the outlines of every major thing but, in his perfect timing He is reveling the details. Despite the chaos and how overwhelmed I have been lately Gods peace has put my heart at rest. I am walking in totally submission to his will and I know for a fact that while I'm doing that, He won't ever guide me the wrong way.

Daily as I walk the blocks to get to the school of music. I go through trees  dressed in colors that are hard for your mind to even imagine. Soaking in the beauty of his creation, my heart often feels like it will just burst out of joy because I serve such an incredible God. I love this song on United album Best Friend:

Ill worship at your throne

whisper my own love song

will all my heart Ill sing

To you my dad and king

Ill live all my days for you

to put a smile on your face

and when we finally meat 

it'll be for eternity

And oh how wide you open up your arms 

when I need you love

And how far you would come

If ever I was lost

And you said that all you feel for me

is undying love

That you showed through the cross

I worship you my God

I love you

forever I will sing

Forever I will be with you

be with you

I love that. God speaks to me through music a lot of the time. When I am soaking up his beauty in the morning. My heart says "I love you my Daddy, I love you my King!"

I was wrong

Broken has been the theme in my heart lately. I have been loving school but, it has been pushing me for sure. The last few weeks have just been stressful trying to figure out the whole school thing. Before I left for school I had foolishly given my heart to a long time friend. The last few weeks have been painful because I have had to admit that I was wrong in doing so and face the problem. God has been reconciling my heart with this relationship. Reconciliation is finding the point in which you make the wrong decision, going back to that point and making a totally different decision to get things right. With the stress of school and my heart being broken to the core, I have felt week, have been learning patient the hard way and  been completely reliant on the Lord.

The guy I gave part of my heart to has just been playing games with my heart. He has been completely and blatantly been ignoring me. he has made me feel like I'm a drama queen just because I was trying to make things work with us. What I have realized has been hard for me to accept and come to terms with. I have tried to encourage him to grow where he needs to. I would text him just so that he knew I was thinking of him, e-mail him. Call him just to see whats up, send him cards just to encourage him and let him know I care. The hard thing is that he wouldn't return my calls, text me back, write back and I still don't even know if he got my cards or if they meant anything to him.

We had decided to put things on pause with us so that we could both work on somethings in our lives before we started a relationship. I would understand if he needed space because dealing with yourself is rally hard. We could have just agreed not to communicate until our lives were in order. The hard thing has been, if he needed space the way he has taken the space is by playing with my heart, not communicating and purposefully ignoring me. It has been the most painful, be-littling, humiliating and esteem crushing thing I have ever been through.

It is hard because I still really and truly care for him but, need to just release him for now. I deserve to be treated better then how he has been treating me. I don't need to be the one doing all the work for us if he refuses to try at all.So for now, were over and done. I would love it if someday he can be man enough to admit he was so wrong and start pursuing me with integrity. His actions have pushed me away and torn apart my heart. I want to see this thing reconciled. If we are to ever relate again, its in his hands.

Even though it has been really hard to leave it up to him, I have to. I will still pray blessing over his live and cover him in prayer even though it would be far easier to be angry and bitter. When and if he calls I will talk to him but, I refuse to let my mind and heart be toyed with in the mean time. I will no longer just be waiting for him and no longer leave part of my heart in his hands to be crushed even further. It breaks my heart to admit it but, I was wrong in giving him my all of my trust back. I was so wrong when I let him back into my heart without doing anything to earn it.

I still hope that this is just a simple misunderstanding but, even if it is I know there isn't a good enough explanation for him to have been treating me the way he has. Carrie Underwood's song "I know you wont" shows the way I have felt:

I know you don't mean to be, mean to me

Cause when you want to you can make me feel like we belong

Lately, you make me feel all I am is a backup plan

I'll say I'm done and then you smile at me and I'll forget

I'll buy into those eyes and into your lies

You say you'll call, but I know you

You say you're coming home but, I know you

You say you'll call but I know you won't

You say you'll call but I know you won't

So if that is not pathetic I don't know what is. But hey there have been some positive things, I have learned patients and hove grown even closer to the Lord. Even though this has been really painful, I will be alright. I'm loving school, I have some great friends. And weather or not this guy is the one for me, I know God has someone amazing out there for me. For the time being I will be preparing my heart for him and resting in peace and contentment with who I am. Who god has made me to be and knowing that he has plans for my life that I can't even begin to imagine.

College life

I have officially survived my first week of college! It was a very stressful week and I found myself often times overwhelmed. Trying to figure out when to leave to get to class on time. Where I can park to be safe. How to notify my instructors of my learning disability because of my accident. All of this just has my head swimming.

Now that I have come through the week, I feel much better. I now know where I need to be, what I need to do and am truly excited to see this year unfold.

I met with an advisor to see if I can fit in my pre dental requirements along with music. It actually looks like I can do it pretty reasonably. I did have to drop one music course so I could fit in a Spanish sequence. I'm excited to finally take a language. I am four days behind the class and the school didn't order enough textbooks. The instructor is great but, I feel very behind. Especially because she speaks everything in Spanish and I have no clue what she is saying. I just need to get a textbook in order to get all caught up.

I took a membership class at Life Bible church Friday and Saturday.  I honestly just wanted to take it easy this weekend but, I knew the class was something I needed to do. Now that I have figured out all the mechanics of life in Eugene and college, I am slowly feeling at peace.